My personal review of 'Drag me to Hell'.

Halloween is upon us, so in the spirit of all things spooky, we rented a movie called 'Drag me to Hell'.

Oh boy.
It's kinda campy, really cheezy, but not without a good ick factor.

Warning: plot spoiler below.
The story involves a career minded bank employee, who, in an effort to show her upper food chain that she could make tough decisions, denied a poor old lady a third extension on her loan. This, of course, enraged the poor old woman enough to vex her with a dreadful curse that caused a dark and evil spirit to pursue the heroine to torment her, and later, as is titled, drag her to Hell. Ok, so we have a plot line that is no longer than my two run-on sentences above. But, hey, not a big deal. I mean, who rents a movie with a title like 'Drag me to Hell' then complains about a weak plot line? The movie is pretty much made with three people. The heroine, a psychic, and the old woman. Oh, and there is also the heroines boyfriend.

hey, i'm a mac.

Right away, you may want to be sorrowful for the poor old lady. She is on a fixed income, doing her best to make ends meet, and is now being told that she will loose her house. So sad. Can you imagine what you would think if it was your dear grandmother being treated like that? Well, let's have a look....

Oh dear God, the humanity !

I know what you're thinking... but no, this is not the demon. This is the dear curse wielding grandma that put him in motion. My theory is that the demon showed up because he was terrified of this pants-craping geriatric terror. This is the scariest creature in the movie.

The most prominent thing that i noticed about this flick was a fondness the director had with certain imagery . We see the heroine loose clumps of hair yanked out of her scalp at least three times. Mostly done by grandma hell-witch, and twice while she was already dead. That's right, a corpse grabbed clumps of hair without voluntarily moving a muscle. Twice ! Why is this a terrifying theme? We don't actually see on screen the bare spots in the heroines head where hair should have been. We do know that if goldilocks were in this feature, she would need a new name, like patches or something.

don't worry kid, the senior citizen helldog of the apocolypse could have done worse to you.

something like THIS....

Oh dear God, why? why ?

Yeah, thats our little old lady gumming the hell out of the poor heronine. Gumming, because her teeth had just previously flown out of her mouth. Hmm. These were false teeth? Who would go purchase horrible false teeth? Is'nt the point of false teeth to look good? Heck, if false teeth were just to enable us to chew, i would get false teeth in the shape of two steel bars, kinda like a bear trap. Man, i would be able to eat anything then..

oh, hell yeah.

This brings me to the second bit of imagery this director likes... drum roll please ..... weird or disgusting crap flying out of, or into the victims mouth. We see this a lot.

heroine spews blood out of her nose and mouth at the office.

I am usually pretty hard core about work. However, i think i would have gone home from the office early that day too.
And we see it again.

Dead woman vomits into heroines mouth.

Nothing in life prepares you for the first time this ever happens to you. Believe me.

And we see it again....

A nice punch to the face, A nice powerdrive to the face....

And we see it yet again...

You know, if you loved me, you would not be screaming while i vomit bugs into your face.

there, there.. that wasn't so bad now, was it? Now rinse and spit !

You want to know who made it through the movie without a scratch? That's right, the boyfriend. Boyfriends in horror movies usually bite it kinda early. This was a very sideshow kind of boyfriend though. Even though he doesn't get to have any old lady demon weirdness spewing stuff into his mouth, he does get to witness horrible things happening to his girlfriend .

Macs hardly ever catch a virus, they just watch sadly as others get them.

All in all, it was a lot of fun. We all had some laughs through it. Not too many jump scenes, but lots of creepy and icky ones. The scary nightmare flair about it gives way to the fact that you just cannot take this movie seriously.